So….what happened in the past several months?

Dari December sampe March lumayan banyak new insights dan experiences yang telah membantu dalam menapakan jejak langkah yg baru di dalam hidup gw. Di awal tahun 2008, gw masih bimbang tentang dimana gw akan tinggal, Indonesia or stay in US. Gw terus membandingkan kehidupan yang gw udah jalanin 14 tahun terakhir di US dengan kehidupan sehari-hari selama 5 bulan yang lumayan interesting di negeri Indonesia ini. Tiga aspek yang sering gw pakai dalam comparison ini adalah:

  1. Personal life
  2. Spiritual life
  3. Professional/Business life

Target gw untuk membuat decision dalam bulan January ternyata lewat….lewat bangettt. Somehow di hati ini tuh masih belom ada kepastian dimana seharusnya gw tinggal…dimana gw harus melanjutkan perjalanan hidup gw. Let alone kepastian dalam hati….jujur aja ada saat2 dimana mau gw pikirin aja jg udah males.

Di bulan February, gw sempet kembali ke LA untuk beberapa urusan. Di saat ini juga lah gw kembali spend some quite time with myself, mencoba kembali mendengar suara hati gw yg palin dalam. Asli udah lumayan desperate nih karena ngga bisa ngegantung gini terus….gw perlu mulai kerja lagi, gw perlu decide dimana sebaiknya gw tinggal….in short, i need to choose! Gw berlutut dan benar2 berdoa, sungguh minta bantuan dari Sang Pencipta. Doa yang bener2 keluar dari kedalaman hati gw…..
“Lord….I know that You have been with me at all times. I know that you want me to learn how to choose and make a good decision in my life. At times…i’ve asked You for things…things in general. But LORD….but LORD….this is one of those times where I really really need that extra push from you….this is the time where i can’t even choose…..Please LORD…choose for me. I ask for your Divine intervention Lord.”

Di akhir bulan February, gw pulang ke Indonesia lagi. Gw kembali merenungkan Life Dream yg gw tulis di akhir taon lalu. It’s still okay….then what’s up with the confusion?
Fortunately….as I read this book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey), ada bagian yang sangat ngebantu gw systematically utk kembali defining who i am…defining what my principle & mission in my life really is. Dengan principle & mission yg jelas…gw bisa mulai review dan menulis kembali what my Dreams and Long Term goals in my life. Long-term goals tersebut dikategorikan dengan beberapa roles yg kita ambil dalam hidup kita, i.e. Individual, Spouse (to be…) =), Family member, Friend, Community/Church member, dan jg role di dalam kehidupan professional/business.

Di akhir bulan Maret, somehow gw udah lebih memilih untuk kembali ke LA dan melanjutkan kembali kehidupan gw disana. Tetapiii….di kedalaman hati gw yg paling mendalam tuh ngerasa ada yg ga sreg di dalam pilihan ini. Dudee….asli gw pengen banget utk bisa menaruh jari gw ke dasar dari permasalahan ini. Btw, gw udah scheduled my flight back to LA for good on April 2nd.
And…..here comes I believe the Divine Intervention that i’ve asked for. Beberapa hari sebelom keberangkatan gw…..Tuhan memberi ketukan hati yang sangat special melalui orang2 di sekeliling gw…..dari keluarga, sahabat, dan juga melalui seorang bapak/mentor yg baru gw kenal….he inspires me indeed. Dan alhasil… ticket pesawat gw postponed until April 9th. Dalam 1 minggu itu, gw bener2 pertimbangkan lagi dengan matang2 tentang my big decision. Semua advise, insights, dan jg terutama gw kembali bertanya ke dalam hati gw…..WHAT DO I REALLY WANT ?

Selama ini approach yg gw pake utk buat decision adalah to compare kehidupan gw di LA to my experience so far di Jakarta. Somehow, in a way setelah dipikir2 dgn mateng, this approach rada salah ding. Kalo di compare2…yah jelas skrg gw lebih enak di LA since gw udah well established disana. In short, the comfort zone is so freakin comfortable indeed…yah jadi ga fair lah utk compare itu dgn sesuatu yg baru mau gw jalanin di Indonesia. Therefore, gw buka kembali my list of Long-term goals and dreams based on my principle and mission in life. Gw baca mateng2 sekali lagi, gw berdoa minta tuntunan Roh Kudus, dan akhirnya gw mulai bisa melihat dan bertanya: “Untuk mencapai my dreams and goals…..dimanakah ladang yg lebih subur untuk gw menaburnya? USA or Indonesia ?” Asliiii……hati gw feel at peace setelah mendapat pertanyaan ini sebagai alat dalam membuat keputusan. Lalu mulailah gw menjawab pertanyaan ini di dalam beberapa konteks hidup gw (individual, spouse, family member, friend, church/community, etc.)

Today, April 15th 2008, gw udah di LA lagi…….yes gw kembali ke LA untuk ngepak barang2 gw dan beresin urusan2 pindahan, dan gw kemarin udah beli one-way ticket to Indonesia.
Yes, I’m going to Indonesia for good.
For some people, mereka bingung kenapa gw mau ninggalin semua yg kelihatannya udah enak and settled di LA. Sekali lagi…kalo di compare dari segi comfort zonenya…ya iya lahhh rada ga make sense utk gw ninggalin LA, but after all life is not all about living in comfort zone. I realized that i have worried so much about my comfort zone, worried so much about my life that I forgot to live.

Am i nervous? Am i worried? Am i anxious? In a way….yeah…i’m stepping into a new and uncharted territory per se, but in general….i feel at peace and i feel alive again.

I have dreams and goals. Dreams and goals do not come to me…..I need to go after them….I have to take my step to make my dreams come true.

“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.” — Saint Augustine

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (or through the darkest valley),
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ” — The 23rd Psalm

P.S. Please pray for me as i am beginning to embark a new chapter of my life in Indonesia. I pray that you may always taste and experience HIS unending Love…whenever & wherever you are.

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